Videos

When is the last time you watched a video download from youtube? I don't go there a lot, but do occasionally enjoy watching different videos there. Some I watch are educational and some are just plain funny. For example, yesterday i watched a video that taught me how to back up my Bookmarks in Firefox so that my laptop can be reformatted and then my bookmarks can be returned to where they need to be fore me to use them when I want/need them. I found it a very easy to follow and most helpful video. The funny videos are many, including Russel Peters and the hilarious Jeff Dunham and his band of puppets.

"World Terrorism Alert Levels" by John Cleese

The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent events in Libya and have therefore raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." The English have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to "A Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada.

The Scots have raised their threat level from "Pissed Off" to "Let's get the Bastards." They don't have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years.

The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher levels in France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France 's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country's military capability.

Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."

The Germans have increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbor" and "Lose."

Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels .

The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.

Australia , meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries" to "She'll be alright, Mate." Two more escalation levels remain: "Crikey! I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend!" and "The barbie is canceled." So far no situation has ever warranted use of the final escalation level.

-- John Cleese - British writer, actor and tall person

Valentines.

Do you think you'll get flowers for Valentine's Day? I mean, it's only 10 days away, the 'Day of Romance' that comes but once a year. I have never gotten flowers or candy or for that matter, anything that I can remember for Valentines. Most of my life I've been single though I have been in relationships on Valentines day. I guess I've just never had romantic men in my life. Maybe that's why I am and have usually been single. Actually, a man friend of mine did give me a bouquet of flowers last week. That was a real big surprise. I've known him for nearly 10 years now and this is the first time. No, he's not suddenly decided he wants 'something more' with me, he likes just being good friends and so do I. Maybe one day I will find 'Mr. Right' and if not that's good too. I am not sure if I want to be tied down or not, after all, I'm only 55 so maybe not quite old enough for a committed relationship. ;o) Ahhhh, but I do love the critters I share my life with.

Halloween

There is a long time yet before Halloween, over a moth, and yet many people are already preparing for that one evening. I've seen ads on Freecycle & on Cheapcycle, asking for kids costumes. I've also seen some store ads for Halloween related items. I used to love getting dressed up & going out to the nightclubs or to peoples homes for Halloween parties. It is the one night each year when you can be someone other than who you are the rest of the year. It can be a lot of fun. I haven't dressed up or gone out for Halloween in many years.... hmmmm, maybe it's time. What could I go out as with a cast on my arm?? Maybe wrap me in tensor bandages & go as a mummy?

My Day - Sept. 8

Today I did my volunteer work at the local food bank. This took the entire morning, as always. We get bread/buns/donuts/cookies/etc. in by the large bag and large Tupperware bins. We had a lot of them today. We take plastic bags and portion the above into the bags, then these are placed out front for people to take home. After that is done, the bins have to be washed in preparation for the following day. Today there was also popcorn & frozen chicken strips to be portioned. I finished the day by taking bags off the roll and opening them in preparation for the people working tomorrow to fill. It's hard to explain this, but it is a simple step that makes the job easier.

I went to the walk-in clinic and saw a Dr. about my right shoulder as it's been giving me a lot of pain for several months now. I kept thinking it would get better on its own, then went to the chiropractor and now, on the chiropractor's advice, I decided to get an x-ray done. The Dr. said the same thing as the chiropractor, that there could be calcification in the shoulder and the x-rays would show if it does. It takes 2 weeks to get into my regular Dr. and I made an appointment with him last week so will get in next Tuesday. By then he should have the results to the x-rays and be able to tell me. The pain runs from my spine to my elbow and sometimes as far down as my wrist... not fun, keeps me awake a lot as it always seems to get worse when I'm laying down.

I had a good visit with Joyce over tea at Tim Horton's, then went to the laundromat where Wendy was doing her laundry and sat in her car visiting for ages.

In 4 months, I will be old enough to get the Seniors Discount in some places, haha. To me this is a joke as I still feel like a kid.

Breaking News

Tiger has another new corporate sponsor!

I'm a Kite!!

You Are a Kite

You've always been a dreamer, and you started dreaming at a very early age. You can get lost in a fantasy. As a kid, you were happy to let your imagination go wild. The smallest things can spark the biggest ideas. You can get lost in your own inner world simply by flying a kite. As a kid, you didn't even really want toys. You would much rather play make believe than play with an expensive toy.

What Childhood Toy Are You?

Yup, I've always been a bit flighty, lol.

In An Email

Cleaning Poem

I asked the Lord to tell me

Why my house is such a mess.

He asked if I'd been

'computering',

And I had to answer 'yes.'

He told me to get off my fanny,

And tidy up the house.

And so I started cleaning up...

The smudges off my mouse.

I wiped and shined the topside.

That really did the trick....

I was just admiring my good work.

I didn't mean to 'click.'

But click, I did, and oops - I

found

A real absorbing site

That I got SO way into it -

I was into it all night.

Nothing's changed except my

mouse.

It's very, very shiny.

I guess my house will stay a

mess.....

While I sit here on my hiney.

(Me... Have a problem? Oh no.... not ME>>>)

A Strange Story

Bob Hill and his new wife Betty were vacationing in Europe... as it happens, near Transylvania . They were driving in a rental car along a rather deserted highway. It was late and raining very hard. Bob could barely see the road in front of the car. Suddenly the car skids out of control! Bob attempts to control the car, but to no avail! The car swerves and smashes into a tree.

Moments later, Bob shakes his head to clear the fog. Dazed, he looks over at the passenger seat and sees his wife unconscious, with her head bleeding! Despite the rain and unfamiliar countryside, Bob knows he has to get her medical assistance.

Bob carefully picks his wife up and begins trudging down the road. After a short while, he sees a light. He heads towards the light, which is coming from a large, old house. He approaches the door and knocks. A minute passes. A small, hunched man opens the door Bob immediately blurts, "Hello, my name is Bob Hill, and this is my wife Betty. We've been in a terrible accident, and my wife has been seriously hurt. Can I please use your phone?"

"I'm sorry," replied the hunchback, "but we don't have a phone. My master is a doctor; come in and I will get him!" Bob brings his wife in.

An older man comes down the stairs. "I'm afraid my assistant may have misled you. I am not a medical doctor; I am a scientist... However, it is many miles to the nearest clinic, and I have had a basic medical training. I will see what I can do... Igor, bring them down to the laboratory."


With that, Igor picks up Betty and carries her downstairs, with Bob following closely. Igor places Betty on a table in the lab. Bob collapses from exhaustion and his own injuries, so Igor places Bob on an adjoining table.

After a brief examination, Igor's master looks worried. "Things are serious, Igor. Prepare a transfusion." Igor and his master work feverishly, but to no avail. Bob and Betty Hill are no more.

The Hills' deaths upset Igor's master greatly. Wearily, he climbs the steps to his conservatory, which houses his grand piano.. For it is here that he has always found solace. He begins to play, and a stirring, almost haunting melody fills the house.

Meanwhile, Igor is still in the lab tidying up. His eyes catch movement, and he notices the fingers on Betty's hand twitch, keeping time to the haunting piano music.. Stunned, he watches as Bob's arm begins to rise, marking the beat! He is further amazed as Betty and Bob both sit up straight!

Unable to contain himself, he dashes up the stairs to the conservatory.

He bursts in and shouts to his master:

"Master, Master! The Hills are alive,.....

..... with the sound of music!"




(I am soooo sorry...... But you really should've seen that coming)


What did you expect... it's from a demented friend on the Internet!

Laugh 28

Morning Sex

She was standing in the kitchen, preparing our usual soft-boiled eggs and toast for breakfast, wearing only the 'T' shirt that she normally slept in. As I walked in, almost awake, she turned to me and said softly," You've got to make love to me this very moment!"

My eyes lit up and I thought, "I am either still dreaming or this is going to be my lucky day!" Not wanting to lose the moment, I embraced her and then gave it my all; right there on the kitchen, table.

Afterward she said, "Thanks," and returned to the stove, her T-shirt still around her neck.

Happy, but a little puzzled, I asked, "What was that all about?"

She explained, "The egg timer's broken."

Three Men on a Hike

Three men were hiking through a forest when they came upon a large raging, violent river. Needing to get to the other side, the first man prayed: 'God, please give me the strength to cross the river.'

Poof! God gave him big arms and strong legs and he was able to swim across in about 2 hours, having almost drowned twice. After witnessing that, the second man prayed: 'God, please give me strength and the tools to cross the river.'

Poof! ... God gave him a rowboat and strong arms and strong legs and he was able to row across in about an hour after almost capsizing once. Seeing what happened to the first two men, the third man prayed: 'God, please give me the strength, the tools and the intelligence to cross the river.'

Poof! He was turned into a woman. She checked the map, hiked one hundred yards upstream and walked across the bridge.

Sorry guys, but these were just too good not to share, Haha.

Laugh 27

This guy was lonely and so he decided life would be more fun if he had a pet. So he went to the pet store and told the owner that he wanted to buy an unusual pet. After some discussion he finally bought a centipede, (100 leg bug), which came in a little white box to use for his house.

He took the box home, found a good location for the box, and decided he would start off by taking his new pet to the bar for a drink. So he asked the centipede in the box, 'Would you like to go to Frank's place with me and have a beer?'

But there was no answer from his new Pet. This bothered him a bit, but he waited a few minutes and then asked him again, 'How about going to the bar and having a drink with me?' But again there was no answer from his new friend and pet.. So he waited a few minutes more, thinking about the situation.

He decided to ask him one more time. This time putting his face up against the centipede's house and shouting, 'Hey, in there! Would you like to go to Frank's place and have a drink with me?

YOU ARE GOING TO LOVE THIS......


A little voice came out of the box: 'I heard you the first time ! I'm putting my shoes on!'

Things You Probably Don't Know

1 . Money isn't made out of paper, it's made out of cotton.

2. The Declaration of Independence was written on hemp paper.

3. The dot over the letter I is called a "tittle".

4. A raisin dropped in a glass of fresh champagne will bounce up and down continuously from the bottom of the glass to the top.

5. Susan Lucci is the daughter of Phyllis Diller.

6. 40% of McDonald's profits come from the sales of Happy Meals.

7. 315 entries in Webster's 1996 Dictionary were misspelled.

8. The 'spot' on 7UP comes from its inventor, who had red eyes. He was albino.

9. On average, 12 newborns will be given to the wrong parents, daily.

10. Warren Beatty and Shirley MacLaine are brother and sister.

11. Chocolate affects a dog's heart and nervous system; a few ounces will kill a small sized dog.

12. Orcas (killer whales) kill sharks by torpedoing up into the shark's stomach from underneath, causing the shark to explode.

13. Most lipstick contains fish scales (eeww).

14. Donald Duck comics were banned from Finland because he doesn't wear pants.

15. Ketchup was sold in the 1830's as medicine.

16. Upper and lower case letters are named 'upper' and 'lower' because in the time when all original print had to be set in individual letters, the upper case' letters were stored in the case on top of the case that stored the smaller, 'lower case' letters.

17. You can read weight loss supplement reviews online.

18. Leonardo DA Vinci could write with one hand and draw with the other at the same time, hence, multi-tasking was invented.

19. Because metal was scarce, the Oscars given out during World War II were made of wood.

20. There are no clocks in Las Vegas gambling casinos.

Laugh 26

A smile is a sign of joy.
A hug is a sign of love.
A laugh is a sign of happiness.
And a friend like me…??
Shit, that's just a sign of good taste!

The above is an email a friend just sent me. I crossed out the 'bad' word to keep this child friendly here. :^ )

Seniors on a Little Road Trip

While on a road trip, an elderly couple stopped at a roadside restaurant for lunch. After finishing their meal, they left the restaurant and resumed their trip. When leaving, the elderly woman unknowingly left her glasses on the table and she didn't miss them until they had been driving about twenty minutes. By then, to add to the aggravation, they had to travel quite a distance before they could find a place to turn around -- in order to return to the restaurant to retrieve her glasses.

All the way back, the husband became the classic grouchy old man. He fussed and complained and scolded his wife relentlesslessy during the entire return drive. The more he chided her -- the more agitated he became. He just wouldn't let up. To her relief, they finally arrived at the restaurant. As the woman got out of the car and hurried inside to retrieve her glasses, the old geezer yelled to her:

"While you're in there, you might as well get my hat and the credit card!"

This is National Mental Health Care week. You can do your part by remembering to contact at least one
unstable person to show you care.

Well ... my job is done. Your turn.

[It seems I keep meeting guys named Bob, I'm sure this old geezer was likely another Bob. Must be a Bob revolution happening! ;^) ]